So I will wake up in less than 7 hours, preparing to take Max to this Doctors appointment in Iowa City, knowing full well how traumatizing its going to be for him... just like every doctors appointment. Why? Let me tell you a couple of examples and you will without a doubt know this will be no cake walk... you may even question on one occasion why I didn't get an attorney.
Rewind to 12 years ago, when the doctors first started wrapping him in the papoose. If you don't know what that is, to me its like a full body straight jacket so he can't move his arms or legs. Its terrifying to him and heartbreaking for me. As he got older and bigger that was not an option so several people on whatever medical staff would have to collectively hold him down, while I kissed his cheeks, and reassured him he would be ok, as he screamed in fear. I would be so devastated that I had to subject him to those kinds of situations.... I am Mom, I am supposed to make him feel safe, instead I have to look into his big blue, scared to death eyes and let this happen to him over and over.
Then there are the appointments where people hold him down and strap his head to the table and pry his mouth open with metal devices to look at his teeth, I again stare into those eyes that steal my heart everyday and know he wants me to save him and I can't. He must wonder why I am letting these frightening things happen to him and why am I a part of it. I can barely take the guilt. But I could never leave his side, I want him to always know that I will be there to look into his eyes and whisper, "Its ok Maxxy, they just want to help you... " Even though, to him it doesn't feel that way.
Then of course, the final chapter in my trusting physicians. The school assumed he had an ear infection, I knew other wise but to appease them I took him to the doctor, this jackass doctor who could not get a look in his ears, ultimately jumped on his back, while Max screamed, the doctor had his forearm pinning Max's neck to the table as he screamed and screamed. I told the doctor to get off of him... WE ARE DONE HERE! I never took him back there, I filed a complaint with the hospital.... and guess what? Nothing happened, he is still there probably mistreating other patients with disabilities. It makes me sick to think about that day.
I am sickened by the fact that instead of doing something to lessen the fear of children like mine, a lot of times its made worse by doctors that have NO bedside manner. My son is a human being and should NEVER be treated like anything less, and he has been, so many times. I can't remember what that code of conduct a doctor goes by is called, but part of it says "First do no harm" and my sweet sweet boy has suffered at the hands of many who don't abide by that. People like this particular doctor should not be practicing medicine. If you want to know his name because you are in my area and are looking for a doctor, email me. Don't make the same mistake I did, our children deserve so much better. They deserve the same care, concern and respect as anyone, in fact I think they deserve more.
Until tomorrow
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