I'm not as fast as a go kart...
We were playing outside today, Max in his mud and Jay teaching himself how to rebuild engines. It amazes me that Jay can take small engines apart and put them back together, and make things work that haven't worked for years.
Max spotted Jays go kart in the yard and sat down in it. He doesn't like it when the engine is turned on though. Jay and I were trying to push him through the yard and teach him how to turn the steering wheel.
We figured that as long as Max didn't put his foot on the gas pedal that it would be safe to turn it on. Surprisingly Max was not afraid, he laughed and put his arms up in the air, his face glowing with delight the entire time. We pushed him for about 45 minutes and he'd turn the steering wheel on his own, he looked so proud of himself. Then suddenly he took off like a bat outta hell, maneuvering himself between trees, Jay running after him, me running after him. I'm yelling "CATCH HIM!!" Jay finally does, I'm horrified and my heart is beating so fast it hurts.... and Max? Well, he thinks its funny, he's laughing so hard his face is bright red. He wants to go again. Apparently after the engine on this go kart warms up it will take off on its own, something we never knew because Jay has only ever driven it as you normally would... get in, put on the seat belt, start the engine, foot on gas.... not like we did today. It was a bad idea to not show Max where the brake pedal was, I didn't plan on leaving his side, but when you have a go kart with a mind of its own, learning how to stop is a good thing. After that I decided that from now on, the engine would be OFF and we would just push him, or maybe someday when my money tree starts producing money I could get Max his own go kart that is operated with pedals like a bike or a remote control that I could control. He could still be independent, but I could still make sure he was safe. There really isn't a dull moment around here sometimes.
Until tomorrow
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Day #25
Water Towers aren't always just water towers...
I had a revelation today, well tonight actually as I was driving down the highway headed home. The water tower sits off in the distance and lights below kind of illuminate it in the darkness. For some reason that water tower always makes me think of someone that was very special to me many years ago. Well he still is despite the fact that he has long since moved on from me. I met "Bob" many years ago not long before Max's diagnosis. I don't know what drove me away from him, if it was just fear, or if I just knew that my life would soon take a turn down a road I knew would be hard to navigate. All of these years little things have brought memories of my time with him back. I suppose I'm not good at letting go, but there was always something about him that was different, something that made letting him go more difficult than any one else.
Bob was the last relationship, however brief it may have been, before Max's diagnosis, before my life changed forever. He is my last window into my normal life, my old life, my less complicated life. When I knew him I was just a single Mom, there wasn't much drama really.
So letting go of him is probably something I will never do... I don't really want too. He reminds me of how things used to be and that is priceless to me.
That water tower off in the distance is like my old life off in the distance, I can still see it from wherever I am, but I can't reach it. Its lit up at night like memories light up my night sometimes.
So Bob.... Thank you for being my light in the darkness, I will always love and remember you fondly, and treasure the days with you from so long ago.
Until tomorrow......
I had a revelation today, well tonight actually as I was driving down the highway headed home. The water tower sits off in the distance and lights below kind of illuminate it in the darkness. For some reason that water tower always makes me think of someone that was very special to me many years ago. Well he still is despite the fact that he has long since moved on from me. I met "Bob" many years ago not long before Max's diagnosis. I don't know what drove me away from him, if it was just fear, or if I just knew that my life would soon take a turn down a road I knew would be hard to navigate. All of these years little things have brought memories of my time with him back. I suppose I'm not good at letting go, but there was always something about him that was different, something that made letting him go more difficult than any one else.
Bob was the last relationship, however brief it may have been, before Max's diagnosis, before my life changed forever. He is my last window into my normal life, my old life, my less complicated life. When I knew him I was just a single Mom, there wasn't much drama really.
So letting go of him is probably something I will never do... I don't really want too. He reminds me of how things used to be and that is priceless to me.
That water tower off in the distance is like my old life off in the distance, I can still see it from wherever I am, but I can't reach it. Its lit up at night like memories light up my night sometimes.
So Bob.... Thank you for being my light in the darkness, I will always love and remember you fondly, and treasure the days with you from so long ago.
Until tomorrow......
Day #24
Ok.... lets try this again.
Its been a long time... my week or so turned into months, sorry. But I've been writing in my trusty notebook for days so I'll put as many of them down here today as I can... I have one hour.
This has been a day that will probably go down in my history as one of the most embarrassing days of my 40 years, and believe me there have been many. I think I honestly found out today what real exhaustion really means, I always thought I knew but now I KNOW I do.
I don't remember what time I finally went to sleep last night but amazingly did get up on time to get the boys off to school. I came back home and sat down in the living room, my day off... a day to regroup. I fell asleep, I never do that, at least not on purpose. I woke up to the alarm going off at 11:30. I had forgotten that I had already taken the kids to school, in my mind we had overslept. I peeked in the room where Max had fell asleep and he wasn't there, so I looked in the bathroom.. not there either.. PANIC takes over. I realize the front door is locked so I thought, OH MY GOSH, he got out and couldn't get back in. I looked out the back door, he wasn't there where he usually plays, by then my heart was in my stomach and my whole body was shaking, I could barely breathe, or think straight. I went running through the yard screaming his name, over and over and over, no answer. Terror took over, everything that I always feared was happening. I ran back inside to look again, and it hit me..... You dummy, you already took them to school.
For the rest of the day I was shaken up, the thought of that really happening has always been so frightening to me. Thankfully I lived it, but it wasn't really happening. I am certain of a couple things now.... my neighbors without a doubt must think I am totally out of my mind, my dogs think I'm nuts, and exhaustion is NOT a pleasant thing.
Until tomorrow....
Its been a long time... my week or so turned into months, sorry. But I've been writing in my trusty notebook for days so I'll put as many of them down here today as I can... I have one hour.
This has been a day that will probably go down in my history as one of the most embarrassing days of my 40 years, and believe me there have been many. I think I honestly found out today what real exhaustion really means, I always thought I knew but now I KNOW I do.
I don't remember what time I finally went to sleep last night but amazingly did get up on time to get the boys off to school. I came back home and sat down in the living room, my day off... a day to regroup. I fell asleep, I never do that, at least not on purpose. I woke up to the alarm going off at 11:30. I had forgotten that I had already taken the kids to school, in my mind we had overslept. I peeked in the room where Max had fell asleep and he wasn't there, so I looked in the bathroom.. not there either.. PANIC takes over. I realize the front door is locked so I thought, OH MY GOSH, he got out and couldn't get back in. I looked out the back door, he wasn't there where he usually plays, by then my heart was in my stomach and my whole body was shaking, I could barely breathe, or think straight. I went running through the yard screaming his name, over and over and over, no answer. Terror took over, everything that I always feared was happening. I ran back inside to look again, and it hit me..... You dummy, you already took them to school.
For the rest of the day I was shaken up, the thought of that really happening has always been so frightening to me. Thankfully I lived it, but it wasn't really happening. I am certain of a couple things now.... my neighbors without a doubt must think I am totally out of my mind, my dogs think I'm nuts, and exhaustion is NOT a pleasant thing.
Until tomorrow....
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