Day #20

Hello everyone!!

I thought I'd come back and have so many interesting things to talk about. I think my brain is still broken, well maybe sprained is a better word. The nicer weather has helped, we can enter the outside world without freezing to death.
Max has been very loud the last couple of days, happy screeching noises. He has startled people everywhere we've gone the last couple of days, me included. But anymore the phone ringing makes me jump. I haven't been able to sleep, my mind is always racing, I fall asleep and wake up all night long. I don't know why, usually I hit the pillow and I'm out, but I can't seem to keep my eyes from opening these days. Very strange seeing as for many years I couldn't keep my eyes open. I don't think I'm worried any more than usual, just preoccupied.

Many things go flying across my mind, like puberty, and adulthood. What new challenges will I face when Max is 13 or 16 or 26. What new challenges will he face? What about Jay.... will he be able to find his way to success? I don't have any doubts about that. I am curious to know what he will do with his life. He is so bright, I'm sure he will be doing something he loves.
Max has some emerging independence thankfully. My big concern remains the battle with communication with him.
Over the coming days I am going to share with you stories from my friends with autistic children, one of whom has 3 sons with autism. This is such an interesting life, definitely full of surprises, alot of fears, alot of dedication, and of course love. I know you will be touched by their stories. I know that I have learned alot from them, and have the utmost respect for them. Autism is a daily struggle no doubt, but I wouldn't have become who I am today without it.
My soul sister and I talk about how we've grown.... on the inside, all the time. We have learned so much about ourselves on this journey, and certainly the aha moments are appearing everyday, it is fascinating sometimes to think about what I've learned, and I'm sure that each day ahead will teach me a new lesson, or give me a new insight. That is something I am grateful for.
I wanted to tell you all I had plans for a great adventure this weekend but it will have to wait. I don't feel up for it, at least not right now. Maybe tonight I'll be able to sleep and I'll have a burst of energy tomorrow.
Until tomorrow....