Day #14

"Up all night"

Max had been up and down all night, finally getting up and staying up at 3:30am, which means I had less than 2 hours of sleep. This day has been very long and mentally draining. For some reason it seemed more draining than many other days in the not so distant past.
I spent most of the day feeling like I was sleepwalking, kind of giddy in a sense, but more than that I felt like I wasn't really here. Max spent most of the afternoon with Grandma so I could have slept but on Saturday afternoons Jay and I watch a movie before we go pick up Max at Grandmas. Grandma attempted to cut his hair today but he was not agreeable to it so she'd only gotten as far as cutting his bangs before he'd had enough. He spent most of the day tired much like I have. Max is not allowed to take naps, even just a 15 minute cat nap in the middle of the day will prevent him from sleeping during the night. I can't stay up all night two nights in a row, I'm not as young as I used to be. I'll be paying for last nights lack of sleep for days to come.
Max got very upset three times today, sobbing for over an hour the last time. I struggle with those episodes because I don't know what causes them or how to stop them. Big tears streamed down his precious face, that is always hard to see. I checked his head for a fever and he felt fine. If he is in pain I can usually tell. I have memorized all the different shades of crying he has. I know if its pain, anger, frustration based on the tone of his cries. This cry today is the mystery cry because it appears to have no cause and no solution.
When Max is in pain I can ask him to show me where it hurts and he will take my hand and put it where the pain is; head, stomach, arm or wherever. Anger cries just have to run their course. Frustration cries can be subsided if I know what is frustrating him and am able to fix it. He typically has those bouts of frustration when he is trying to do something by himself and he is unsuccessful. He loves the "Babes in Toyland" cartoon, but he wants to rewind it to a very precise frame in the movie, only one in ten times can he make it stop exactly where he wants it too, that always makes him so frustrated, I am not much help in that however.
We all want to hug our children when they are upset, but he doesn't really let you hug him when he's feeling bad, he takes me to the door and removes me from his tv room so he can be alone. Its so hard to not be able to console him, but doing so just makes his crying worse.
Despite having got up at 3:30am, Max didn't go to sleep until 11pm. So tonight I will hopefully sleep till dawn. I pray tonight that tomorrow will be a better, happier day.
Until tomorrow....