Day # 12

"Another snow day to recover from"

We woke up this morning with the television screen scrolling *** schools cancelled... Mental break cancelled... unrest begins. What do you do on a day with 7 more inches of snow and the temperature well below freezing again? Its always such a desperate time for me. Why is it that the school day passes so quickly when the boys are in school, but it feels like a minute is an hour on a snow day?

Max was on his third bath before 10am. He did not appear to be unhappy thankfully. The hard thing is finding anything that he is interested in. Today he doesn't want to watch PBS, or movies. He doesn't want to interact with me, he just wants to sit in the bathtub or spin in his chair in the tv room. One of Max's respite workers came over today and brought pizza... the kind he likes but he wasn't interested.
We took 4 rides around town today, slippery roads, covered in snow, slush and ice, but Max was happy. Each time we passed the highway to Grandma's house he'd look at me with pleading eyes... I know what that look means, it means, "Take me to Grandmas"
I would happily have done so if the storm hadn't of made the roads such a mess, not to mention the impending 30 mile per hour winds and white out conditions that the weather men kept talking about.
We went to Walmart and bought play-doh, a less than adequate alternative when he wants to go to Grandmas and I can't.. but he is still content. He is calmer at her house. Less comotion, no dogs!! Not to mention he adores her. Grandma is the only person that can make him happy when I can't. With my tail between my legs I have to say that he would choose her over me anyday, whenever he has the choice he chooses Grandma. Who wouldn't choose their Grandma right?
I wish I could get him to build a snowman, or go sledding, but he doesn't like the cold snow on his hands even through gloves. Going down a hill on a sled would be terrifying for him. I would love to do those things with him, give him those memories to take with him through his life. At least he likes Frosty the Snowman the movie.
By 6pm today Max was so restless, pacing in the kitchen, slamming the bathroom door, slamming the front door. He was carrying around his blanket and pillow (that means take me to Grandmas house). I told him we couldn't go to Grandmas house because of the weather. Max instantly became very upset, slapping himself on the top of his head, stomping his feet, screaming. The screaming startles me so badly, my whole body jumps, my heart starts to beat faster, my hands start to shake. I am suddenly in panic mode, can't think straight, can't talk right, can't focus. I realized that I was pacing when he was screaming. I pace alot, back and forth, back and forth, I've probably walked a million miles in my kitchen. I wonder if I actually walked somewhere instead of pacing... where I'd end up.... down the road, across the street, across the state, across the country? I am for the most part a nervous wreck. It is so heartbreaking when he is sad, is he sad because he's bored, because I can't give him what he wants, or because he has autism?
Tonight as he sleeps quietly I wonder if he's dreaming. What does a child with autism dream about? Can he talk in his dreams like he can talk in mine? I hope someday he can tell me.
Until tomorrow.....