Day #27

Hey Everyone!!! Its hard to believe how long its been between day 26 and 27, but I am hoping that nothing prevents me from writing every night. Jay is now 17 and Max is 13 and me?.... well I'm that much closer to a senior discount. I am still taking it one day at a time, still waiting for that money tree to grow, still waiting for my Prince Charming, and most of all, still waiting for that miracle that allows my Max to emerge from the clutches of autism. Tonight I was reminded of how the smallest of things to most of us, can cause Max to lose it. We took our nightly trip to Walmart very late tonight, close to 10pm. I knew this was going to be a rough one. Max likes to enter the store on the grocery side and exit on the garden side. Thats how we have done it every day for years. When he realized he couldn't exit through the same door as usual, because it gets locked at 10pm.... the melt down started. Every person in the store that could see us, was staring as he screamed, stomped his feet like a toy soldier and slammed his fingers into the palms of his hands as hard as he could. I kept telling him over and over that we could not exit the same way because of the hour, nothing helped. As loud as he could scream, he screamed; as hard as he could stomp, he stomped and as long as people could stare they stared. This carried on all the way through the parking lot to the truck, and all the way home. Eventually he stopped about ten minutes after we got home. This was ecspecially upsetting to me because he kept looking at me like I'd hurt his feelings. Going out that door for some reason is important to him and I refused him that. I still feel guilty because I don't want him to think I was just being mean ya know? More heart breaking than that is the fact that he didn't understand my words when I explained the situation to him. He didn't comprehend the words "That door is locked" Think about that for a minute. Until tomorrow....